Two to one

We're living in Lurgy Land at the moment, with poor Ez very under the weather. She woke up with a temperature last Wednesday of just over 40°C. I'm much more used to thinking in Farenheit so I didn't really realise how high that was until Thursday night, so we paid the doctor a visit on Friday. A chest infection was diagnosed, antibiotics were prescribed, and she's been slowly improving since then. I can honestly say that she looked like we'd dressed her up for Halloween - all pale, white, face and red red eyes. I've never seen her look so ill, and I just felt so sorry for her.

A poorly Ez naps on my lap

She wasn't well enough for nursery on Wednesday, so I dropped Fonz off and spent the day with Ez at home. This was a first. The babies have never spent a day apart from each other, and I did have a little tear in my eye when I said goodbye to Fonz for the day. I was worried how he'd cope without his sister.

Obviously it wasn't nice that Ez was ill, but I really enjoyed spending one-on-one time with her. Because she was poorly she was very drowsy so we just spent the day cuddling up on the sofa, sometimes sleeping, sometimes giggling with each other. I did feel some guilt about 'abandoning' Fonz, but it made me look forward to having a day just with him.

Today Ez still wasn't well enough for nursery, so we had another day together. She was well enough for a trip out, so I bundled her up, and we went shopping and for lunch with a friend. Of course I did miss Fonz, but the feeling of freedom being out with one baby, rather than two, was incredible. I could manage the pushchair up and down the station steps, I didn't need to juggle crying babies, and I could actually eat my lunch in peace while Ez napped.

I would never say life is easier with one baby, because we all know every baby is different, every parent is different, and every day is different, but I have to say that it felt simpler (not better, just simpler) with one. I felt less anxious, more able to cope, and I think I relaxed more. I think so much of my parenting can focus on the practical, and the struggle and pressure to balance my attention between Ez and Fonz, that I can often overlook the simply pleasures of spending time with my babies.

And while Ez looks to have recovered enough for nursery tomorrow, Fonz's temperature is rising, so who knows, I may get my one-on-one time with him sooner than I expected.

August's Multiples Mayhem!

<center><a href="http://youngandyounger.blogspot.com/"><img width="150" alt="Multiples Mayhem - Come and join the Carnival!" src="http://i902.photobucket.com/albums/ac230/RebaMc/multiplesmayhembadge.jpg" height="150" /></a></center>
I know it's a busy time for everyone, what with the school holidays and general summer madness, so thanks for those that sent me posts for the second Multiples Mayhem! carnival. If you didn't get a chance to enter a post, don't panic, you're not too late. Simply include the link to your post in the comments below, or email me at youngmummy at youngandyounger dot net, and I'll find you a carnival slot.
The super-talented Rebecca over at Two Become Four, has made us not one.. not two... but THREE stylish Multiples Mayhem! badges to choose from, so feel free to grab one and pop it on your blog. If you want a badge, header or anything else designing, she's your girl, so drop her a line.
Now let's get on with the main event...
Linda at You've Got Your Hands Full, hopes her daughters' individuality will be encouraged to shine when they start secondary school in September, as she looks ahead to the minefield of double-whammy parents' evenings. Don't miss TAMBA's five top tips for how secondary schools should approach teaching multiples.
I almost had a toddler tantrum of my own after planb started off all encouraging about life with twins, and then swiftly shattered the illusion with her post on twins hitting the terrible twos.
Zookeeper is also having toddler battles. On her new blog, Dummies and Doghairs, she laments her laziness when it comes to cooking, as she seeks a cure for her daughter Magpie's, Extreme Vegetable Aversion.
And if tantrums and food fights weren't enough, Mari at Mari's World is going potty about grabbing her mop and bucket as she ditches the nappies and starts potty-training her girls. Good luck Mari!
Expectant twin mums (and dads) out there would be unwise to miss Rebecca over at Two Become Four's list of those essential items that have helped her (almost!) through the first year with twins Tilly and Jasper. It's definitely got me thinking about what I wouldn't have been without, and a similar post, inspired by Rebecca, will appear here soon.
Karen from All About The Boys' uplifting post had me reaching for a tissue. Go and give her a hand off her naughty step please, because she absolutely deserves it.
And finally, here's my contribution. A little video to remind us all why having multiples is so precious. I challenge you not to laugh along!
Thanks all for joining in and reading, and don't forget to get in touch if you'd like your post added to the carnival.


<center><a href="http://youngandyounger.blogspot.com/"><img width="150" alt="Multiples Mayhem - Come and join the Carnival!" src="http://i902.photobucket.com/albums/ac230/RebaMc/multiplesmayhemtextonblack.jpg" height="150" /></a></center>

<center><a href="http://youngandyounger.blogspot.com/"><img width="150" alt="Multiples Mayhem - Come and join the Carnival!" src="http://i902.photobucket.com/albums/ac230/RebaMc/multiplesmayhemtextonwhite.jpg" height="150" /></a></center>

Do your children bring out the best or the worst in you?

It's been fascinating watching the effect having children has had on my friends. Some step up, their best qualities shining through the sleep deprivation, frustration and abject terror at becoming a parent. For others, those character traits that you have always managed to overlook - like selfishness, an unwillingness to listen, a tendency to be judgemental - take over and swamp their redeeming features.

One set of friends' rampant materialism is suddenly much more noticeable and unappealing now they're ploughing all their energy into buying the lastest bells-and-whistles accessory, toy or gadget for their little one, while we're struggling to find the money for the mortgage each month.

The competitive streak that has always been in the background of our friendship with another couple can't be so easily laughed off when we're faced with a barrage of, 'how many teeth do they have', 'how much do they weigh', 'what sized clothes are they wearing' questions.

The attitudes of our male friends have most surprised us. Some approach fatherhood with a delight and enthusiasm that is a real pleasure to see. But others see their sole role of father as a provider for their family. They work long hours, go to the pub for a drink after work and enjoy lie-ins at the weekends, completely oblivious to the fact that their girlfriend or wife may be in need of a break too, or that their baby might actually want to spend some time with their daddy. I've found the stereotypical gender roles and lack of appreciation for how hard it is to be a stay-at-home-parent to be one of the most difficult things to come to terms with and it's made me so angry with some friends, we've had to stop seeing them for a while.

And I guess this will  just keep changing as our babies grow older. I imagine that how you choose to discipline your children when they reach the appropriate age will bring out differences once again.

So has having babies made me a better person? I like to think that my positive traits dominate my personality - my loyalty to close friends, my sense of fun, and my determination. I have definitely learned to be more flexible, more patient, and to let go of my need for control. But I do have a tendency to envy others, and the force of this can often turn into bitter resentment. Having the babies has brought this back to the surface, though I'm more aware of it now so am getting better at managing it.

Has having children brought out the best or the worst in you? Have friends changed for the better or worse? How have you coped with this?

Doing it for the kids

I'm in the park, dodging the kids on wheels that shoot at me from all directions. Scooters, bikes, wheelie trainers ('wheelies'?), trykes whizz past me like rockets, each one making me wince as I anticipate its impact. 'Bloody kids', I think, and then it hits me. These two gorgeous babies in the pushchair in front of me are going to grow into Children.

I struggle for breath, want to sit down, the dizziness washing over me. What have we done?! I can picture myself with babies, and maybe,at a stretch, toddlers, but with two Proper Children? Small people that talk, and run, and argue, and shriek? And don't even get me started on teenagers. Oh no, no, no, I want to get off this particular ride. Now, please. I want out!

The magnitude of having offspring struck me suddenly the other day (only about 17 months too late - I think the shock of discovering I was expecting twins distracted me from thinking about anything else), and the fear was overwhelming. Having two Proper Children, well that would make me old, right? Like an official grown-up? A parent. A probable source of embarrassment and uncoolness. Someone who lays down rules and administers punishments. Someone responsible and consistent. Every part of me screams, 'I'm not ready! I'm not ready!'

But then I picture Miss E, laughing with a group of her friends on the way home from school. Or Mr A taking a bow after his first school play, and I feel that rush of excitement that shot through me when I saw the unmistakable blue cross on the pregnancy test, the exhileration all tingly in my tummy.

And I know I'm in it for the long-haul.

The Incredibles: a family portrait

This may look like any other family picture, snapped on my phone by a friend, but to me, this photo makes me feel invincible.

We went out of our safety zone, and the world didn't end. We survived, unscathed and exultant.

I constantly question whether things are possible with the babies. Can I make it to the shops? Can I eat lunch out at a restaurant? Could I go to that exhibition I've been dying to see? More often than not I am overwhelmed by the prospect of pushing my boundaries and I don't try these things. London can be a daunting place with a double buggy, and I often feel beaten by the hurdles it throws at me.

We had a friend running the Virgin London Marathon this year, and I'd been wondering all week about whether to go up and support her. I considered going alone, but didn't want to miss out on the precious family time we have at the weekend. Could we all go and watch the marathon together? Immediately I started thinking of reasons why not. It would be too busy. The journey's too difficult. The babies wouldn't nap. But Sunday morning dawned, and we decided impulsively to go for it. 'If it's a nightmare we can turn around and go straight home,' we reasoned.

And so we found ourselves on the DLR to the Cutty Sark, double buggy in tow, where we met up with friends, missing our runner by the tiniest of margins (about 30 secs). We hopped back onto the DLR to Limehouse, where we found a fantastic vantage point and we all (including Miss E and Mr A) cheered on the amazing runners streaming past us, including our friend who was going well. A pit stop for coffee and to use the facilities at a friend's flat nearby reenergised us, and we rejoined the group and made our way to Canary Wharf, cheering our runner on once again. We decided against carrying on with the others to Embankment, and instead headed home feeling elated and happy. The babies had grabbed cat naps here and there and had been on fantastic form all day. Sure they were grumpy at bedtime but it was more than worth it.

My confidence is sky high. The babies have proved themselves to be far more flexible than I give them credit for, and I'm going to capitalise on this new feeling and keep pushing myself to try new things.

And another result of all this positivity? I think I might enter next year's marathon...

Massive congratulations to my mate Nadia, and all the other incredible runners who took part in this year's marathon. Your dedication and stamina were inspiring. And a huge thank you to Geri, Rob and Lee for being so patient with us and for helping lug the buggy up and down steps and on and off trains. You're all stars! x

 
For Week 9 of The Gallery at Sticky Fingers. Theme: 'Portraits'

Counting the pennies

I know it's not really the done thing to talk about money, but we're a few months into statutory maternity pay here at the Young & Younger household, and things are starting to bite. Young Daddy and I have never been the most efficient budgeters, tending to live in the moment, rather than plan for the future, and we're paying the price now. We're living off dwindling savings, and though we know we need to stop burying our heads in the sand, we're a bit too scared to brush off our grown-up hats and talk about serious stuff.

I wouldn't say we're profligate - we don't spend, spend, spend. We buy the babies the absolute essentials in terms of clothing, relying on hand-me-downs from friends, though a lot of our parent mates are hanging onto their old baby clothes, ready for baby number two. I should probably start making clothes, but I'm not sure where I'd find the time.

Our food shopping is one area we could try to trim down. By planning our meals properly we wouldn't waste so much food. And we could definitely save some pennies by visiting a market once a week to get all our fruit and veg. Oh and growing some of our own is another good idea. The amount of food the babies need has taken us completely by surprise, and it seems we're steaming and pureeing an endless amount of fruit and veg.

I had to distract myself this afternoon. We would usually be spending it at our Monkey Music class, which the babies love, and I look forward to all week, but I've had to make the tough decision to drop it this term, and find a cheaper drop-in music class instead. We'll really miss our friends from the class, but it was something that had to be done and I know there are other local music classes out there that I'm sure we'll enjoy just as much.

With our typical rashness, we booked a holiday a few months ago to Sardinia in May. We naively chalked it up as a cheap getaway - the accommodation is practically free (long story), and we got dirt-cheap flights. But as usual, we hadn't thought about all those nasty little extras, which quickly add up. Two baby passports have added another £100, then we realised we would need to hire a car to get from the airport to the campsite, as jumping on an unreliable and long airport shuttle bus isn't really an option now we've got two young babies along for the ride. Plus the excess baggage costs (budget airline allowance doesn't come close to what we'll need to take), and buying the essential gear for the break and we're looking at a hefty final total. Lesson learnt. We'll be borrowing my parents' caravan and driving somewhere in the UK next year.

How do you manage to balance the books? Do you stick to a strict budget? Got any money-saving tips you'd like to share? Right now I'm off to fish down the back of the sofa for enough change to buy a lottery ticket....

Seven month update - we've survived!

Miss E and Mr A have just turned seven months, so it's about time for an update on how they're getting on. That old chestnut, 'the first six months are the hardest' is so very true, and the last month has felt like the fog is lifting at long last. No doubt this has something to do with the weather improving as Spring finally arrives, and the clocks changing so it's light after the babies have gone to bed in the evening (makes me feel like every daylight hour isn't taken up by being mummy), but I think there's also been a marked change in the babies who are definitely now 'settled babies' rather than 'newborns'.

We're racing ahead with traditional weaning, with a bit of baby-led weaning thrown in for good measure (Mr A loved devouring every broccoli floret he could get his little fists on yesterday at our Easter lunch). Last week saw us introduce protein for the first time, and chicken seems to be a big hit with both babies. I'm still finding feeding two babies stressful, but am finding strategies to manage the difficult moments (mainly the TV and. Miss E has joined Mr A in being bottle-fed after she rejected the breast, and life is definitely easier with both babies fed the same way.

We took the plunge and dropped the dream feed a few weeks ago. Although it was my favourite feed as it was a quiet and intimate moment with the babies, it has left us feeling much more free as the babies sleep from 7pm to 7am, and I think the babies sleep better and are more rested in the morning without it. It also means they're much more hungry for their breakfast.

Both Miss E and Mr A (Mr A claimed the prize for doing it first) easily flip from their backs to their fronts now, though they're not as proficient at rolling from their fronts to their backs. The first night they started doing this in bed happened to be my birthday, and I spent a sleepless night worrying about them sleeping on their fronts. Having done my research I'm not at all concerned about it anymore, and Miss E now sleeps on her front pretty much every night.

Their ability to sit up unaided has been a real revelation. They can now occupy themselves and are happy to sit and play with toys for increasingly long periods of time while I pop in and out and get on with blogging and twitter chores.

Miss E cut her first two teeth without any fuss this month (bottom front), both Mr A is still toothless. He's been pretty grizzly for the last few days (unusual for him) and is sucking his bottom gums like crazy so I hope it's not too long before a toothy peg makes its first appearance.

But the biggest and best thing this month is the fabulous little people I can see them becoming. They are sociable and happy (most of the time), greeting us, each other and strangers with huge smiles and laughter. They love practising all the things they've learned to do over the last month, especially sitting and rolling, and look to us for a round of applause when they do something they know is clever. The balance has finally tipped and we have many, many more good days than bad days and I just can't wait for the summer when we can get outdoors to play.

Happy birthday babies xx

And so it begins...

We're finally reaching the stage I've been looking forward to since I found out I was expecting twins - they are starting to interact and amuse each other. They've been aware of each other for quite a while now and will try to eat the other baby's hands, but they didn't seem to be getting much from each other. But then last weekend they were lying next to one another in the cot in fits of chuckles. They've started making each other laugh and it makes me smile from ear to ear. Miss E was rubbing Mr A's head, and apparently it was the funniest thing either of them had ever experienced. Young Daddy managed to catch a bit of it on camera...

Both babies are also now pretty confident at sitting up unsupported (we still have a few topples but they're getting steadier every day). I sit them on the mat facing each other, with a bowl filled with toys between them and they work their way through the bowl, pulling out the toys they want to play with and then casting them aside (my role is to continually re-fill the bowl with toys). But a problem I wasn't expecting yet has already started to arise. They want the toy the other baby has. Miss E, whose grasping skills are a bit more advanced than Mr A's, has a habit of grabbing a toy from Mr A's hands, though he isn't always the innocent party by any means. He tried to tug a toy from her, and because she wouldn't let go (stubborn see, like me) she toppled over instead.

I haven't quite worked out yet how to react to and manage this situation. They're obviously too young to understand sharing, so I guess I'll just leave them to work it out in their own time. I don't want to hear myself saying, 'no', repeatedly already. I could give them separate bowls with their own set of toys, but I think it's better for them to learn to play together. It makes me incredibly happy and proud to see them enjoying each other's company.

There's no 'I' in team...

So, the results of some new research are in, and what a surprise, having twins is hard, financially and emotionally. Jaw-dropping stuff, eh?

"Families of multiple births face significant financial hardship according to a major new study by researchers from the University of Birmingham. 'The Effects of Twins and Multiple Births on Families and Their Living Standards', which is supported by the Twin and Multiple Births Association, found that families with multiple births were more likely to report a drop in their income level following the birth of their children. They were also twice as likely as families of singletons to report ‘quite difficult’ financial stress. The report also found that twins and triplets experienced higher levels of material deprivation, and their families were more likely to separate or divorce." (TAMBA website)

Don't worry, this isn't going to be a woe-is-me post about how awful it is to have twins. In fact, the stats about divorce got me thinking about my own marriage, and how, if anything, it feels stronger since the arrival of Miss E and Mr A. Because we were expecting twins, Young Daddy took advantage of a scheme offered by his work to take seven weeks (unpaid) leave, on top of his two weeks paternity leave. So we muddled through those early weeks together. Yes, it was a massive struggle financially, but getting to know our new babies together was priceless.

Young Daddy has really stepped up to the plate and has been the best running mate I could have ever asked for. Unlike many other fathers I see, he is totally hands-on and dives straight into the fray the second he walks in from work. We are a team, and rather than drive us apart, having twins has bound us together in a way that I'm not sure a single baby would have done. He has helped to feed them from the start (if he could breastfeed I'm sure he would!), he has always taken his turn getting up in the night, he isn't afraid of a dirty nappy (or two), and more recently, he's been making purees and planning the next meal for the babies. We speak countless times a day, making a myriad of decisions as one. Should I wake the babies now from their nap or leave them a little longer? Is there time for us to go for a walk before the next feed's due? How cold is it outside - do the babies need woolly hats on?

One of my favourite times together is the dream feed at 10.30pm. We used to take turns doing this, with the other person on call for getting up to feed in the night, but since the babies have been sleeping through, we've started doing the dream feed together. We creep into the nursery and take a moment to watch our son and daughter sleeping, Mr A usually with his muslin clasped tightly in his hands and held up to his face, and Miss E with her arms out in sleeping surrender.

We each gently lift a warm and floppy baby to our shoulder and carry them through to the playroom, taking our well-worn places on the sofa. Into their mouths go the bottles, and the dimly lit room is peaceful apart from their sucking and breathing. Every night, Young Daddy and I will look up at each other and can't help but exchange a smile, sharing without words the overwhelming love we feel for these little people. It's true that our life together has changed beyond all recognition in the last six months, but I wouldn't swap these moments for anything.

This post was written in response to Josie at Sleep is for the Weak's prompt, 'tell us about something you do really well and are proud of', for this week's Writing Workshop.